Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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