life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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