Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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