My nipple is on Facebook.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
