I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
