My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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