Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
