dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
