she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
