If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
