i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
