Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
