every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
