I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
