She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
