I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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