I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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