My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
