at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
