She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
