Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
