Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
