I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
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Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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