I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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