My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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