He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
