Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!