The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
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I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
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Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I forgot wine drunk hurts