My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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