Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level