in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
