Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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