woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Say something about gay babies.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
There r osticjed everywhere
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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