I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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