Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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