she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
