when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize
