I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
