someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
