were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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