I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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