Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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