Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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