I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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