So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
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