What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
