I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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