My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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