i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
