i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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