Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
