then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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