I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
