Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
