it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
