Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
