can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Is it penis luge time yet?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
