if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I AM VODKA MAN
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
