and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
