I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
