You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
