the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
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just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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