Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
