Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
