You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You took a bar mat shot.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
