Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Welp...herpes.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
