How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
worst night to have a conscience
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
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I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
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World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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