My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
