I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
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Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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