what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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