This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Randomize
