I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
