My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
