Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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