You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
