Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
