I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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