She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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