ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
