i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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