It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The struggles of a small town man whore
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
