i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Never underestimate the power of titties
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
