haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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