I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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