I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
