eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
how drunk are you?
Several
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
