happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize