So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
