I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
worst night to have a conscience
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
