can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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