you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
im holly from the hills drunk
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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