So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
