Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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